Do Female Reefers have it easier?

[Samina]

So in a nutshell, no we definitely do not have it easier.

But we women are just awesome, soldier on, and make it look easy

Just saying...

 

[TheShrimpNibbler]

Although I’m a boy, I’ll admit that we can be whiny at times. It seems like a lot of the talk about wives approving purchases is more like a long running joke. I know that asking for permission is a real thing for some people, but I don’t feel like it is easier for one specific group. I think that there is a specific situation for every person, and that decides how hard this hobby is more than gender. I think there are more men in this hobby, and that’s why you hear more complaints about their woman counterparts.

 

[robbyg]

What's really alarming is the number of people ok with cleaning their skimmer in the kitchen sink! I hope you're the plates and napkin people at gatherings lol

This is certainly one of the Red Lines with my wife and I a red line for me. She will tolerate the filter socks in the washer if I pre clean them at the washtub. I would not want to go to a someones house and know that they are cleaning a skimmer in the same sink as the dishes I am eating on. Anyway this one seems to be a hot button issue but there is no doubt that some serious bacteria can breed in that gunk. It may splash a drop on something a few feet away and you would never notice it.

 

[bsbell12]

I had a budget for the build, and now I have a monthly aquarium budget. As long as I spend within that budget, she couldn't care less. I always wonder about people hiding or worrying about the cost, afraid their partner will find out. Just be open and honest, and if you can't agree on how much money you can/should be spending, perhaps you should rethink the hobby or your choice of partner! lol

 

[Mayerlyn A]

Not all of us are that impatient. I remember flip phones and calling after 9pm for free service. I am 21 years old

Yes , calling after 9.

 

[Terry Mattson]

Or are male Reefers just Drama Queens?

I see so many posts where men say:

Male: My wife/GF complains about the cost of corals “I would buy xxx but the SN would freak out!”

Me: Husband never questions what I spend.

Male: I pour skimmer into the sink when she is not around.

Me: I dump skimmer in the kitchen sink and clean it there. I do chase it with Dawn and wipe down. Him “why don’t you do that when we have parties? Would clear the house faster!”

Male: I would like xxx but the SN would freak out over the cost.

Me: I bought xxx for xxx. Him “Jesus, you could make a down payment for for that!” Me “Yeah, but the corals will really be happier.“ Him “well, what about that Gold Fish (he calls all fish not Tangs or Clowns Gold Fish) , the one I like, will it make him happy?“ Me “Yeah he will like it because . . . (Long scientific reason which makes him zone out)”

So, easier or just Drama Queens?

Well, a happy wife is a happy life. My wife does stress some on cost, time to maintain, and ya that skimmer sludge makes her gage. Plus, if I do not clean the sink out well, she lovely let's me know. I am glad u like reefing. That is awesome!

 

[Katrina71]

Easier. Lol.

 

[ccombs]

I don't think it is a gender thing, I think it is a relationship thing. I'm a guy and the tank is more my thing than my wife (although she still enjoys it). She knows that I won't spend money that we cannot afford to and trusts my decisions for the tank. I show respect to her by not putting things in the tank she does not like. I.E. certain types of corals she thinks are ugly, and inverts/fish that she thinks are gross or creep her out.

She was awesome a few months back when we had to get emerald crabs for the bubble algae problem. They freak her out (let's be honest, I am not the biggest fan either lol) but since they were needed for the tank, she was OK with it.

 

[Daniel@R2R]

I think it comes down to personalities and the relationship of each couple. My wife is supportive as long as I don't go overboard (which is certainly a reasonable expectation). She's not a reefer AT ALL and mostly ignores the tank, but she likes that I like it, and she goes to stores with me and reef shows. She even tries to ask me questions about it every once in a while...not because she's super interested, but because she loves me and wants me to know she cares.

I think the issue we often see is that people who are more impulsive (in my relationship, that's me) tend to marry more cautious people (her)... it creates balance and drives them both crazy at the same time. Haha! ...and so the posts about spouses being unsupportive likely reflect that dynamic more than gender. My .02.

Oh, and the fact that people tend to post about issues more than when things are fine. I.e. you'll see more posts from people trying to navigate the unsupportive spouse rather than the supportive one.

 

[S2G]

My experience is some people are just in extremely one sided relationships. Either there's more male reefers or women are smart enough to not talk about it on a fish forum. However, just because I wouldn't like my wife doing that doesnt mean someone else doesn't enjoy it. Tbh I really don't care as long as no one's getting abused and it doesn't affect my life.

 

[Steve1500]

My wife doesn’t care if I spend every last dime and minute of my life on my tanks. She never complains about the ocean smell, the frozen food in the freezer or anything else. She is the best wife I ever had.

Oops, I forgot I’m not married

 

[ZoWhat]

When my spouse start complaining I say...

I'm selling everything and joining a co-ed Softball League that plays 3 nights a week, drinking beer and flirting with the cute divorced gals on BOTH teams.

That usually ends the convo bc the reefing hobby keeps me at H O M E




.

 

[Paleozoic_reefer]

Well I wear the pants in this family gentlemen!!! (Says me in my loudest inner voice)...now if you don't mind I have to go; my wife is calling me to do the dishes...

 

[Daddy-o]

I have 9 tanks full of water and my lovely wife has number 10 under the xmas tree for me ;Happy
Happy Holidays! Mark

 

[Rich Klein]

Just happy that I have a wife and a tank ;-).

 

[Lousybreed]

Or are male Reefers just Drama Queens?

I see so many posts where men say:

Male: My wife/GF complains about the cost of corals “I would buy xxx but the SN would freak out!”

Me: Husband never questions what I spend.

Male: I pour skimmer into the sink when she is not around.

Me: I dump skimmer in the kitchen sink and clean it there. I do chase it with Dawn and wipe down. Him “why don’t you do that when we have parties? Would clear the house faster!”

Male: I would like xxx but the SN would freak out over the cost.

Me: I bought xxx for xxx. Him “you could make a down payment for for that!” Me “Yeah, but the corals will really be happier.“ Him “well, what about that Gold Fish (he calls all fish not Tangs or Clowns Gold Fish) , the one I like, will it make him happy?“ Me “Yeah he will like it because . . . (Long scientific reason which makes him zone out)”

So, easier or just Drama Queens?

This makes me laugh.

 

[nmqtrhrse]

Or are male Reefers just Drama Queens?

I see so many posts where men say:

Male: My wife/GF complains about the cost of corals “I would buy xxx but the SN would freak out!”

Me: Husband never questions what I spend.

Male: I pour skimmer into the sink when she is not around.

Me: I dump skimmer in the kitchen sink and clean it there. I do chase it with Dawn and wipe down. Him “why don’t you do that when we have parties? Would clear the house faster!”

Male: I would like xxx but the SN would freak out over the cost.

Me: I bought xxx for xxx. Him “you could make a down payment for for that!” Me “Yeah, but the corals will really be happier.“ Him “well, what about that Gold Fish (he calls all fish not Tangs or Clowns Gold Fish) , the one I like, will it make him happy?“ Me “Yeah he will like it because . . . (Long scientific reason which makes him zone out)”

So, easier or just Drama Queens?

It is like anything in life. Men do things differently than women and women do things differently than men has nothing to do whether or not you’re a reefer or that it is easier for the female.