Viking_Reefing
Valuable Member
First of: that was meant to be 6,5k right?
I employ balance. I don’t go around whining about stuff/purchases she does that I think are stupid…”you want a new celling lamp that costs 1k? Oh two of them? Sure, you go right ahead”
Conversely, she can’t have much of an opinion on my reefing (which is good as I have basically occupied two rooms for my tanks and gear haha).
Hell, if those darn lamps bring her joy and my reef tanks bring me joy I can’t see any good reason to whinge about it…provided it’s not negativity impacting finances and/or family time.
Honestly, if those are her major gripes with your passion I’d tell her to go kick rocks.
But perhaps throw ozone in the mix to get rid of any smells.
I employ balance. I don’t go around whining about stuff/purchases she does that I think are stupid…”you want a new celling lamp that costs 1k? Oh two of them? Sure, you go right ahead”
Conversely, she can’t have much of an opinion on my reefing (which is good as I have basically occupied two rooms for my tanks and gear haha).
Hell, if those darn lamps bring her joy and my reef tanks bring me joy I can’t see any good reason to whinge about it…provided it’s not negativity impacting finances and/or family time.
Honestly, if those are her major gripes with your passion I’d tell her to go kick rocks.
But perhaps throw ozone in the mix to get rid of any smells.
gbroadbridge
2500 Club Member
Here's what I do.
First, don't ever let the wife know how much you have sunk into your little hobby. The math is easy, always drop a zero or divide it by 3...whichever is more believable. You got $6.5k or $22k into that tank, and you are sticking to it.
Second, adjust your nozzles to reduce the spray and salt creep. One reason why I don't rock a rimless. I also keep a towel always nearby.
Third, always run carbon or ozone, that will keep the smell down.
Fourth, if you are doing cleaning, sent her out of the house like a shopping trip to Hobby Lobby or some of her favorite stores. Get a few gift cards to encourage the trip. And you get kudos points as well. Win/win.
Fifth, get a matching cabinet near the tank to store all of your chemicals and tools.
If all else fails, then you gotta do what you gotta do. Find a new wife.
Option 6 worked for me.
mpatterson42
Active Member
Also let her pick the fishes name.
mdpitts
Active Member
A lot of folks here have given you some great, peace keeping advice but my blunt take on it is - you should be able to do what you enjoy. Period. I might concede moving it to another room if she’ll give up space for it. Assuming she might say there’s no room for it somewhere else - make room. I’m a woman and I would give anything to find a good dude interested in any of my hobbies. Especially reefing.
mdpitts
Active Member
Nice! Rockhounding was my favorite hobby right before I got my first little reef tank.
Whenever this topic comes up I can't believe the number of unhealthy relationship views that show up. I always wonder why divorce rates are so high but this conversation sadly reminds me of why.
First off, its your wife. The one person in your life you should never lie, deceive, or intentionally cause distress.
Secondly, its your wife. The one person in the world who should always support you. Career, life goals, hobbies, ect your partner should stand beside you 110% of the way.
IMO if one or the other can't abide to both of those rules 100% of the time, there shouldn't be a relationship between the two of you. Your wife/partner is your best friend, act like it. Also, from personal experience, being together "for the kids" is total B.S. and works maybe only 1% of the time. Otherwise the example you set for your children of what a healthy relationship is just screws up their life more than having a mom or dad in the same house. Harsh? Maybe, but its the truth and once you start looking at families that stuck together "for the kids" you'll start to realize that divorce and each parent being happy and in a healthy relationship sets way higher standards and expectations in your kids eyes and eventually what they look for in life.
Financial spending should always be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. Personally, my wife and I treat our finances separately, each paying 50% of every bill aside from a select few. IE, personal credit cards, car payments, student loans, and of course hobbies, being the large ones we each pay our own way on. As long as we each are able to pay for our half of the bills, neither has a right to say what the other does with their money. In our 11 years, we have never argued about money once. Of course when one of us screws up and either over pays personal bills or emergencies come up, we each step up for the other in times of need. Afterall, while our finances are separate, our success in life is joined.
A house is a SHARED area. Meaning that any decisions about a shared area should be made together. Sadly that includes fish tanks as they reside in a shared area. Now, I'd a have a 600 gallon tank if my wife wasn't overly scared of it going through the floor.(or if we had the room but that's another story lol) But since its in the house that we share, we compromised that I wouldn't go over 200 gallons. It would be well taken care of, any mess I make in regards to the tank would be taken care of immediately, and all reasonable efforts made to guard against smells and sounds. Her concerns being met, I feel like I have plenty of leeway to operate within those bounds where I can have a fun and rewarding hobby. She supports me all the way in everything I do fish tank related or not, but at the end of the day as her partner I have to realize she has certain needs and wants that need to be met for her to be happy and thrive as an individual which is my ultimate goal. So I'm happy to sit down, have a discussion about it and figure it out. Sadly that alone seems like a lost art in todays society.
First off, its your wife. The one person in your life you should never lie, deceive, or intentionally cause distress.
Secondly, its your wife. The one person in the world who should always support you. Career, life goals, hobbies, ect your partner should stand beside you 110% of the way.
IMO if one or the other can't abide to both of those rules 100% of the time, there shouldn't be a relationship between the two of you. Your wife/partner is your best friend, act like it. Also, from personal experience, being together "for the kids" is total B.S. and works maybe only 1% of the time. Otherwise the example you set for your children of what a healthy relationship is just screws up their life more than having a mom or dad in the same house. Harsh? Maybe, but its the truth and once you start looking at families that stuck together "for the kids" you'll start to realize that divorce and each parent being happy and in a healthy relationship sets way higher standards and expectations in your kids eyes and eventually what they look for in life.
Financial spending should always be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. Personally, my wife and I treat our finances separately, each paying 50% of every bill aside from a select few. IE, personal credit cards, car payments, student loans, and of course hobbies, being the large ones we each pay our own way on. As long as we each are able to pay for our half of the bills, neither has a right to say what the other does with their money. In our 11 years, we have never argued about money once. Of course when one of us screws up and either over pays personal bills or emergencies come up, we each step up for the other in times of need. Afterall, while our finances are separate, our success in life is joined.
A house is a SHARED area. Meaning that any decisions about a shared area should be made together. Sadly that includes fish tanks as they reside in a shared area. Now, I'd a have a 600 gallon tank if my wife wasn't overly scared of it going through the floor.(or if we had the room but that's another story lol) But since its in the house that we share, we compromised that I wouldn't go over 200 gallons. It would be well taken care of, any mess I make in regards to the tank would be taken care of immediately, and all reasonable efforts made to guard against smells and sounds. Her concerns being met, I feel like I have plenty of leeway to operate within those bounds where I can have a fun and rewarding hobby. She supports me all the way in everything I do fish tank related or not, but at the end of the day as her partner I have to realize she has certain needs and wants that need to be met for her to be happy and thrive as an individual which is my ultimate goal. So I'm happy to sit down, have a discussion about it and figure it out. Sadly that alone seems like a lost art in todays society.
sfin52
So many pedestrians so little time
2 reefing hobbiest thats trouble. I'm thankful my wife helps out once and a while and takes time to just look at the tank.
BryanM
Well-Known Member
First and foremost our tank was her idea, and she appreciates me taking care of it..... THAT said.....Alright, so let me tell you about my fish tank—a masterpiece I’ve been working on for years. I’m easily $65k deep into this underwater empire. Every fish has a name, they recognize me, and when I walk by, it's like I’m a rock star entering an aquarium red carpet event. My fish are living in the Elon Musk of tanks.
But recently, my wife has declared war. She’s over it. She’s done with the salt spray that makes our office feel like a pirate ship. She’s done with the endless parade of bottles (Magnesium, KH, Po-X, NO—you’d think I was running a chemistry lab). And apparently, the “ungodly sulfur smell” that emerges once a month during tank cleaning has been rebranded as a biological weapon.
So, I’ve gotta ask: Anyone else out here battling wife agro over their tanks? How do you keep the peace while maintaining the world’s priciest, smelliest fish spa? Help a tank enthusiast out!
Why do you have salt spray? That would drive my wife nuts.
Biological weapon, I'm assuming is skimmer cleaning. If I'm right, then I'd clean that far more than once a month. If something else like filter socks, maybe change your filtering methods. I recently went down the algae turf scrubber route.
IE, if you want to keep it without a war, gotta address the issues that's bothering her.
BryanM
Well-Known Member
I dunno .... I did see 65k and said yikes.
But I'm 7-8months in, and probably way to close to 20k.
spsick
Valuable Member
Where is the other 500g SPS tank with all German equipment not pictured contributing to that 65k?
OP sort your marriage and don’t post your dirty laundry. It’s not fair to your partner. Key word, partner. If she hates your hobby there needs to be work on balance there.
OP sort your marriage and don’t post your dirty laundry. It’s not fair to your partner. Key word, partner. If she hates your hobby there needs to be work on balance there.
mdpitts
Active Member
Ha! I guess you’re right. Maybe the solution to that is just go into business owning a reef store?? My ex just moved back in for a couple months so he can find a good apartment and he has never, not once ever - voluntarily looked at any of my eight tanks at home.
BryanM
Well-Known Member
8?? Oh my. I don't have the anxiety capacity for that!
Cheese Griller
Active Member
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It doesn’t even really sound like she hates the hobby- she just hates that he doesn’t keep everything tidy. What he’s describing would drive me insane- even if it was my own tank!! I would never subject my partner to that.
Also yeah, 65k for that tank? Must be buying a new conspicuous angel every month!!
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