New Fluval 52l - Next steps?

[zerozero]

Awesome Torch! DId you get it through ebay also? Always super cool when a non-reefer finds something specific they really like. Especially your son! Could he ever keep a fish tank in the future, or is that out of the cards with Autism?

Well the reef tank is his.

To cut a long story short, after years of driving around in the jungle, cycling and kayaking on the Thames my/our son contracted a brain inflammation. It gives him terrible headaches and he lashes out when he's hurting. It literally happened overnight in Jan 2023. My wife couldn't cope so I had to give up my job and become his carer.

Life became a bit depressing for me so I decided to get myself a fresh water tank this January. Our son loved it, got completely immersed with all the planting and feeding. But when we went to the LFS he always wandered over to the marine section where he only had eyes for Nemo...

I explained that we would need a whole other aquarium and that Maine fish keeping was far too expensive and it was totally out of the question. He was cool with that.

But as a parent what are you gonna do? The Fluval Evo was a decent budget entry. We went to pick up two clownfish on his birthday.

So here we are. He's now madly into corals which surprises and delights me. His autism means he's very meticulous and follows everything by the book. So, I'm sure he can be taught the discipline of reef keeping.

 

[SauceyReef]

Well the reef tank is his.

To cut a long story short, after years of driving around in the jungle, cycling and kayaking on the Thames my/our son contracted a brain inflammation. It gives him terrible headaches and he lashes out when he's hurting. It literally happened overnight in Jan 2023. My wife couldn't cope so I had to give up my job and become his carer.

Life became a bit depressing for me so I decided to get myself a fresh water tank this January. Our son loved it, got completely immersed with all the planting and feeding. But when we went to the LFS he always wandered over to the marine section where he only had eyes for Nemo...

I explained that we would need a whole other aquarium and that Maine fish keeping was far too expensive and it was totally out of the question. He was cool with that.

But as a parent what are you gonna do? The Fluval Evo was a decent budget entry. We went to pick up two clownfish on his birthday.

So here we are. He's now madly into corals which surprises and delights me. His autism means he's very meticulous and follows everything by the book. So, I'm sure he can be taught the discipline of reef keeping.

Is the brain swelling seperate of the Autism? I really dont know much about Autism even though I was a camp counselor for kids with Autism, Aspergers, and ODD. Can brain swelling cause Autism?

Hey that is what brought me back also! During the pandemic I got that stimulus check. After a 10 year break I realized how muhc more convenient nano reefing is, and also bought the Fluval Evo on sale at Petco! I couldnt be happier getting into the hobby again and its been about 4 years. Once I move out of a rental and own a home I hope to get a larger tank like a Low Boy.

Nothing can take your mind off life like an aquarium although I swear sometimes it can be more stressful than the wrest of life itself

 

[tbrown]

My son has ODD (not officially diagnosed but diagnosed?) and we're fairly certain he's on th Asperger's end of the spectrum just enough to be noticeable socially.

 

[zerozero]

Is the brain swelling seperate of the Autism? I really dont know much about Autism even though I was a camp counselor for kids with Autism, Aspergers, and ODD. Can brain swelling cause Autism?

Completely different. No one yet knows what causes autism. The child is early to their development milestones and then, it seems, the brain develops in a certain way; away from language and social interaction and toward patterns of behaviour. eg. He is brilliant with building Lego, but needs to be taught how to play with what he's built.

Over here, in the UK, they do not recognise Asperger's. There's only Autism Spectrum Disorder. We are all on the spectrum. I'm at one end and my son at the other. My job was in advertising and it was my task to know exactly what to say say so that someone would put their hand in their pocket and buy the thing that my client wanted them to buy. My son is at the other end of that spectrum; at its worst he does not even acknowledge people he does not know. But if we meet, say an old friend of mine from University, and he reads our body language, he'll have no problem showing them affection too.

 

[SauceyReef]

My son has ODD (not officially diagnosed but diagnosed?) and we're fairly certain he's on th Asperger's end of the spectrum just enough to be noticeable socially.

The 4 year old ODD boy I had to watch for a summer was very nice and shy, but would randomly turn into an absolute MONSTER and not listen to anyone, than turn aggressive. Unfortunetely he got removed from the camp because he was trying to run away, and I grabbed him, and he bit me up pretty good. I have never heard such curse words and slurs come out of anyones mouth let alone a 4 year old.

Completely different. No one yet knows what causes autism. The child is early to their development milestones and then, it seems, the brain develops in a certain way; away from language and social interaction and toward patterns of behaviour. eg. He is brilliant with building Lego, but needs to be taught how to play with what he's built.

Over here, in the UK, they do not recognise Asperger's. There's only Autism Spectrum Disorder. We are all on the spectrum. I'm at one end and my son at the other. My job was in advertising and it was my task to know exactly what to say say so that someone would put their hand in their pocket and buy the thing that my client wanted them to buy. My son is at the other end of that spectrum; at its worst he does not even acknowledge people he does not know. But if we meet, say an old friend of mine from University, and he reads our body language, he'll have no problem showing them affection too.

Thanks for the information I really had no idea. This may sound weird, but I follow one or two autistic kids on Tik-Tok. Darius is one of them - He has 2 million followers! How wide of range the spectrum can be is truly peculiar.

 

[zerozero]

My son has ODD (not officially diagnosed but diagnosed?) and we're fairly certain he's on th Asperger's end of the spectrum just enough to be noticeable socially.

Could be. Just because my son has ASD, it doesn't mean he doesn't have ADHD or ODD.

My boy was such a sweet boy. Totally amenable. He still is when he is not flaring. He had his limitations when it came to language but he has so many strengths too. It's so hard for a parent when they suddenly find out they are dealing with a neuro-divergent child. It's tough. No two ways about it.

I wish you the best.

 

[SauceyReef]

Could be. Just because my son has ASD, it doesn't mean he doesn't have ADHD or ODD.

My boy was such a sweet boy. Totally amenable. He still is when he is not flaring. He had his limitations when it came to language but he has so many strengths too. It's so hard for a parent when they suddenly find out they are dealing with a neuro-divergent child. It's tough. No two ways about it.

I wish you the best.

I am not super religous, but I like to think we're all here for some special reason even if we can not always see it clearly. Wish the best to you as well! I will keep following this thread, and look forward to seeing more posts about you and your sons aqaurium/s.

 

[zerozero]

The 4 year old ODD boy I had to watch for a summer was very nice and shy, but would randomly turn into an absolute MONSTER and not listen to anyone, than turn aggressive. Unfortunetely he got removed from the camp because he was trying to run away, and I grabbed him, and he bit me up pretty good. I have never heard such curse words and slurs come out of anyones mouth let alone a 4 year old.

Part of me thinks - Well, he learnt those cuss words somewhere... but I won't judge. It's really hard. Over here my son's school conducts classes to help parents understand our children and how they perceive the world. This Monday I was kicked in the face in the front passenger seat when I was trying to tell my son to calm down on our way back from school.

 

[zerozero]

I am not super religous, but I like to think we're all here for some special reason even if we can not always see it clearly. Wish the best to you as well! I will keep following this thread, and look forward to seeing more posts about you and your sons aqaurium/s.

I was brought up a Buddhist, but I'm not particularly religious either. If I have a special reason for my existence, in my low moments, I will tell myself that it is to get my beautiful boy to school. No one else would take the occasional beatings I have to endure. But he loves school. They are wonderful. So I'll do whatever it takes to get him to and from school.

But back on track, I'm so glad I have his reef tank to enjoy.

 

[tbrown]

When my son was young (he's 14 now) he would get very violent. We learned to read his behavior and tried to pull him back before he hit the rocket boosters because once those kicked in there was no stopping, only restraining as gently as possible to avoid him injuring himself or others.

 

[SauceyReef]

When my son was young (he's 14 now) he would get very violent. We learned to read his behavior and tried to pull him back before he hit the rocket boosters because once those kicked in there was no stopping, only restraining as gently as possible to avoid him injuring himself or others.

Sounds like ODD to me especially if that started unwarranted at a young age.


@zerozero no 4 year old should know curse words let alone functional slurs. The crazy thing was he was such a sweet quiet boy when he was being good 99% of the time. Than randomly would turn in Taz from looney tunes.

Sounds like you are a great father!

 

[zerozero]

When my son was young (he's 14 now) he would get very violent. We learned to read his behavior and tried to pull him back before he hit the rocket boosters because once those kicked in there was no stopping, only restraining as gently as possible to avoid him injuring himself or others.

My heart goes out to you. I've been there. It's not a skill I ever thought I'd have to utilise; using just the right amount of force to keep everyone safe from harm.

Shouldn't focus on the bad days though. Our son is a blessing.

 

[zerozero]

Some bad news this morning.

When I fed the fish when I got back from the school run I didn't see the royal gramma. He'd taken to resting up in various caves recently. When I got back I saw all three hermit crabs nestled in together, which was unusual. They weren't squabbling (also usual). On closer inspection I saw they were chowing down on the royal gramma.

He ate fine last night. There were no signs of disease. Any fish-on-fish aggression was him dishing it out to the clowns at feeding time. Just a gentle nip because they moved away quite leisurely.

Not looking forward to explaining the loss to my son when he gets back from school.

We were planning on going to the LFS tomorrow as my son's carer will be with me. I'm pretty upset unsurprisingly and I'm not ready to replace him. If he's in a good place tomorrow maybe we all go up and see how we feel about it.

 

[SauceyReef]

Some bad news this morning.

When I fed the fish when I got back from the school run I didn't see the royal gramma. He'd taken to resting up in various caves recently. When I got back I saw all three hermit crabs nestled in together, which was unusual. They weren't squabbling (also usual). On closer inspection I saw they were chowing down on the royal gramma.

He ate fine last night. There were no signs of disease. Any fish-on-fish aggression was him dishing it out to the clowns at feeding time. Just a gentle nip because they moved away quite leisurely.

Not looking forward to explaining the loss to my son when he gets back from school.

We were planning on going to the LFS tomorrow as my son's carer will be with me. I'm pretty upset unsurprisingly and I'm not ready to replace him. If he's in a good place tomorrow maybe we all go up and see how we feel about it.

Sorry. Crazy accidents happen I’m guessing that was the case seeing everything else is fine and fish was doing well night before. I have so many crazy stories on how these fish have died just from what I’ve visually seen. I was going to say get a new gramma real quick at a LFS and suprise him with it with the band news? But understand if you want to wait. Always tough to lose fish friends especially saltwater

I also lost 2 of my favorite fish last month a day apart in a absolutely 2x freak accidents. We can share in our misery / mourning together. Was one of my hardest losses I have ever gone through in my 15 years reefing.

 

[tbrown]

Sorry. Crazy accidents happen I’m guessing that was the case seeing everything else is fine and fish was doing well night before. I have so many crazy stories on how these fish have died just from what I’ve visually seen. I was going to say get a new gramma real quick at a LFS and suprise him with it with the band news? But understand if you want to wait. Always tough to lose fish friends especially saltwater

I also lost 2 of my favorite fish last month a day apart in a absolutely 2x freak accidents. We can share in our misery / mourning together

Autism can make surprises a lot less "fun" in my experience. Change is difficult. I'd definitely agree with waiting and let him decide.

 

[zerozero]

It looks like the male clown has Brooklynella He soldiering on and the FW bath brought him some relief, I think.




Obviouslyy looked terrible as soon as we put him in.



He perked up almost immediately

He's getting another bath shortly. The medication should arrive tomorrow.

On a more poignant note, I took my son's hand and tried to explain that his clownfish was very sick. He gave me the same response he used to as a four year old child when he brought me a broken toy - Daddy will fix it. I'm slightly more confident after talking with @Jay Hemdal , but losing Nemo would be devastating.

Anyway, happy Sunday to you all.

 

[SauceyReef]

It looks like the male clown has Brooklynella He soldiering on and the FW bath brought him some relief, I think.




Obviouslyy looked terrible as soon as we put him in.



He perked up almost immediately

He's getting another bath shortly. The medication should arrive tomorrow.

On a more poignant note, I took my son's hand and tried to explain that his clownfish was very sick. He gave me the same response he used to as a four year old child when he brought me a broken toy - Daddy will fix it. I'm slightly more confident after talking with @Jay Hemdal , but losing Nemo would be devastating.

Anyway, happy Sunday to you all.

Ah dang you are getting some bad-luck. Brook is awful. If you were close to me I would give you Copper Power. Luckily you had a small tank! Imagine getting brook with 10-100 big expensive fish.

 

[zerozero]

Brook is awful.

Yeah from what I first read it looked like a dead in 24hrs scenario. He's hanging in there, for now. I'll give him finely chopped Mysis a little later.

I don't know what's worse; the feeling of dread and, for the first time in my life self-loathing at what's happened,... or the cheerful expectation from my son that "Daddy will sort it".

 

[SauceyReef]

Yeah from what I first read it looked like a dead in 24hrs scenario. He's hanging in there, for now. I'll give him finely chopped Mysis a little later.

I don't know what's worse; the feeling of dread and, for the first time in my life self-loathing at what's happened,... or the cheerful expectation from my son that "Daddy will sort it".

This hobby is brutal, but everything is a learning lesson. The clowns are likely tank raised, so in a sad sense they were made for you to learn a lesson with and stopped a wild fish from being the casualty.

I just want to be honest with you - the clowns are likely going to die before the treatment comes in. Brook can kill in hours to a couple days. Dont lose hope you can possibly QT them in time, but without the treatment ready its a very low chance.

I dont want to sound rude in anyway, but if your Son does not do well with losing anything IDK how he will fair with this saltwater tank long term. I think even the best most experienced reefers have coral and fish losses periodically. The bigger our tanks, the more fish and corals, and the more likely something is to die because of statistics. With factors such as Health, Territory, Water Chemistry, Pure Luck, or possibly just Age - you just cant control this factor.

From my experience fish are way easier to die than corals, and are forced on a terminal time clock. YOu may just want to consider keeping it mainly a coral tank with some inverts. Only get 1-2 pre-QTd hardy fish.

 

[zerozero]

I just want to be honest with you - the clowns are likely going to die before the treatment comes in. Brook can kill in hours to a couple days. Dont lose hope you can possibly QT them in time, but without the treatment ready its a very low chance.

He's not as good today as he was yesterday. But, as I understand it , Brook treatment is a one and done scenario. The female clown shows no sign of disease. We dip her first.

I dont want to sound rude in anyway, but if your Son does not do well with losing anything IDK how he will fair with this saltwater tank long term. I think even the best most experienced reefers have coral and fish losses periodically. The bigger our tanks, the more fish and corals, and the more likely something is to die because of statistics. With factors such as Health, Territory, Water Chemistry, Pure Luck, or possibly just Age - you just cant control this factor.

From my experience fish are way easier to die than corals, and are forced on a terminal time clock. YOu may just want to consider keeping it mainly a coral tank with some inverts. Only get 1-2 pre-QTd hardy fish.Ω`

This is such a thoughtful, empathetic reply it deserves a proper response. I'm just finishing off lunch and then it's Liverpool vs Man City and when that's done I'll give you a reply.